Updated: Apr 18, 2019
Whether you are crying on the floor or dancing around your home with relief, breaking up can be life changing to say the least. He/she finally left, it finally happened, and you are sitting there taking it all in. Reviewing all those years in your head and you are thinking, ok what now? What do I do now? If you ask me this calls for a fresh start. If you are staying at the “family home” these tips are for you.
1) Scream, scream with joy, scream with anger, scream with sadness, scream with disappointment; just scream. Screaming has been proven to reduce stress and give you a sense of relief. It is a primal way to get in touch with repressed feelings and emotions. Grab a pillow and scream into it as loud as you can. If you feel like someone might hear you, go for a drive with your windows up and just scream. If you feel some anger being released punch the pillows, let yourself go, get in the moment. I promise you it will help you feel better.
2) Now that that is out of the way, sit down in what you consider to be the heart of the home. The first place you thought about is usually it (don’t overthink it). Grab a notebook, sit down and take 3 deep breaths. Notice what you are feeling and where there is tension in your body. Write down any emotion that is not peace and joy. If you feel like it you can pour down on paper everything that is going through your mind. Once you are done close your eyes and mentally greet your house. Our homes have souls, they have “personalities”, they have a spirit waiting to be met. I know it sounds silly but humor me on this one. Say something like: “ Hi home, so this just happened and I am feeling __________.” Some people will actually start communicating with what seems like the house, don’t judge it, just hear what the house has to say. Just for fun imagine what the house would say back. Now tell it that you love it, that you thank it and that now you are taking charge and are going to be doing some changes that are going to bring you joy and support your new life. If you feel like it you can grab a guided meditation to connect to your home for free here!
3) I want you to play some relaxing music as loud as you are comfortable with, close your eyes and imagine you are scanning the house with a horizontal laser light like in one of those action movies. As it is scanning I want you to notice where it scans something that reminds you of your ex, of a hard time you had together, something that you kept just for him, any of his favorite things etc., As you do this I want you to imagine a beeping sound with a blinking light, like a metal detector at the beach. Next thing to do is go get it all, put it in bags and donate or sell it.
4) Now that we got that out of the way let’s clean. No, wait don’t leave me! Let me at least tell you why it is so important. Dust and dirt are by definition sticky, stagnant and unwanted. So, basically negative stuck dirty energy. You know that feeling you get when you are done doing a deep clean (or hired someone to do it) and it smells squeaky clean ? It also “feels” squeaky clean, doesn’t it? This is because energies have shifted. Now, in this part a lot of people ask me if they can hire someone to do the cleaning but I like my clients to do at least some of the cleaning themselves. As you vacuum dirt or dust off settled dust, clean the top of the refrigerator or the edges of the door I want you to visualize the energy leaving the space. Pair up cleaning with the intention that all that dark colored dust your seeing is something that upset you or old “yucky” feelings that you do not want to deal with anymore. For example, let’s say you are cleaning out dust of an old bookcase, as you clean out the dust and see it leave the space think of a feeling you would like that dust to represent. For example, disappointment. I want you to look at this dust and imagine that it is the physical representation of disappointment in your home and grab a wet cloth or a dust cloth and swipe it away. Really feel it leaving the space. Notice how in control you are over this emotion, notice how YOU got rid of it. When you are done throw it in the trash and take the trash outside of your home immediately, we want it to leave your space. Notice how much better you feel when you are done. ( Disclaimer: Mindfully cleaning may give you a new found love for cleaning.)
5) Set an intention. Wow, what a shocker, intention setting, haven’t heard that one before. I know, I know, but the truth is that to grow, to really change things, we need to figure out where we are going and most importantly, where we want to go. Think about it, when was the last time you had 100% of the decision making power in your home? Let’s put it to good use. How do you want this space to feel now? Choose as many words as you want. Some popular ones are: inviting, loving, freeing, peaceful, healing, vibrant, intuitive, joyful, etc. Write them down. What is one thing that you can change in your space to make it more like your intention word? Is there one thing that you always wanted to do to your house but you couldn’t because of your ex? Did you want to paint a wall a bright color? Maybe put up a painting they didn’t like? If you don’t know what you would like, start by moving things around. When you move big pieces of furniture and question their location it changes the energy of the space. It feels different, yet still familiar. It makes you question why you had things where you did in the first place.
Those are just some basic things that you can do to get started. In my divorce package we go through all the steps in my usual 5 step process but I tailor it specifically for your needs. If you have any questions you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org I LOVE answering them :)